Favorite Quotes

Personal Quotes...and a few I stole

No matter where you go, there you are

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
So my Dear, neither going through my pockets nor stabbing me in the back will help you in any way.

"Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you"- Mae West
- The new motto for the TSA
More wisdom from Mae West, George Carlin, Marx, Socrates and nearly eighty others

Now that I have your attention...leave me alone!
I am in complete control of my emotions. It's yours that I have a problem with!
God has a sense of humor, He's a comedian! You just don't get the joke!
The optimist [Erin, A's fan] sees the Colesium as full; Raiders fans see it as half empty.
"The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. " Ferengi Rules of Acquisition about sales people
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!"- Homer Simpson


Ponderables...
Did you know Ponderables is not a word?
Does the little mermaid wear an algaebra?
Why did God give men nipples? [answer *1 below]
If I break the laws of Physics do I go to jail? [*2]
Is laughing stock cattle with a sense of humor?
Does a laughing cow have milk come out its nose?
"I love you more today than yesterday; I'll love you twice as much tomorrow"- Really? Should I be angry that you loved me less yesterday? So you're saying that you're holding back now?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an s in it?
If 7Eleven is open 24 hours a day, why are there locks on the doors?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
If it's a "no brainer" does it mean it's stupid? or a knee-jerk reaction?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?  -  Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Why do phone companies give you a number to call if your phone doesn't work? *3

*1 Actually woman was created first, capable of self-insemination. Then men were cloned with a specialized tool.
*2 Yes, banished to another dimension. Can be temporary, as in at warp.
-----------------------------------------------------
Scotty: Thank Heavens.
Spock: Mr. Scott, there was no deity involved. It was my cross-circuiting to B that recovered them.
Dr. McCoy: Well, then, thank pitchforks and pointed ears! As long as it worked!
-----------------------------------------------------
Phone snippets...
"Thank you for calling Suicide Hotline. Hold please!"
*3 "Sorry I couldn't help you get connected [to the Internet]. You can always go to www.att.net/help."
"If this is not an emegency press 1...[ 4:46 later ] if this is an emegency press star 16. If you would like to hear these options again press star 0."
-----------------------------------------------------
 AFI Top 100              Another list                    Star Trek Quotes...see the complete list